Friday, June 13--Day 18

Today, in order:

POSITIVE:  Clare is awake and eager to begin feeding at 8 and 11am.  We get to awkwardly try and breastfeed.  She does better than me.  

NEGATIVE:  I still couldn't tell you what "letdown" feels like and I'm still waiting to feel this grand oxytocin euphoria that breastfeeding supposedly causes.  Maybe the La Leche League are a bunch of liars.  Maybe they're a front for the Cult of John the Baptist and Mary Magdalene.

POSITIVE:  Clare is staying awake longer and starting to look back and forth between our faces.  We get the feeling she's starting to recognize us and like us.

NEGATIVE:  The baby next to us developed a MRSA infection and is under quarantine.  No, this is a different baby from the first baby with MRSA.  This one also has teen parents, but they seem pretty responsible and mature.  Their baby has a number of significant health issues, and so is vulnerable to opportunistic infections like MRSA.  I'm trying not to panic.

POSITIVE:  No suppositories were needed.  Clare blew out a total of five diapers before we were done changing her.  What a mess!  But we were thrilled that appears to be in good working order.

NEGATIVE:  Clare has to get a gavage tube inserted (installed?).  She cries, struggles, and lets out little screams.  It's agony to listen to.

POSITIVE:  I get to hold her and feed her right after the gavage tube is inserted, and she calms down quickly and is able to nurse.  

NEGATIVE:  When we return at 5pm, the place is packed.  A set of twins has arrived on the other side of Clare, apparently  because their mother lost a lot of blood in their delivery and there wasn't another place to put the babies while she was recovering.  A whole pack of people has assembled to the right of Clare and an empty cradle is in the way;  I have to ask to have it moved so I can access the side of Clare's isolette.  Between that and the curtained, quarantined baby on the other side, we don't have a lot of room in which to move.  What appears to be happening is the Descent of Family Members After a Baby Is Born, only rather than taking place in a private (albeit small) mother and baby post- delivery room, it's happening in our little world of vulnerable babies and high anxiety.  I resent their gaiety and obliviousness.  Tim and I both feel for the mother, who we hear had to get a sizable blood transfusion, and who no doubt just wants to be with her babies and have some peace, and who no doubt has neither.

POSITIVE:  Clare weighs in tonight at 4 lbs, 15 oz.  She's getting to be the size of a real baby!

NEGATIVE:  We hear from the nurse practitioner that a mixup has led to a repeat cranial ultrasound, which revealed very small and minor sites of bleeding.  We are told not to worry, and that they may even be the product of an over-scrupulous ultrasound reader-- there is some subjectivity in the reading of such things.  It really is nothing, we're told, but because it's been noted in her chart, they wanted to let us know.  We try not to panic.

POSITIVE:  It's probably nothing.  

NEGATIVE:  The nurse practitioner tells us we'll have another cranial ultrasound done when she's 28 or 29 days old, or before discharge--whichever comes first.  "Though I don't think you'll be heading home before 28 days," she says.  We try not to be crestfallen.